Paramedic Method for Revising Prose

Adapted from Richard Lanham's Revising Prose, 3rd edition.

  1. Circle the prepositions.
  2. Circle the "is" forms. Ask, "Where's the action? "Who's kicking who?"
  3. Put this kicking action in a simple (not compound) active verb.
  4. Start fast—no slow windups.
  5. Put space between each sentence on the screen and mark off its basic rhythmic units with a "/".
  6. Read the passage aloud with emphasis and feeling.
  7. Compare the sentence lengths in the paragraph.

The Official Style

Here are two sentences in the "official style," printed without emphasis, and then to show the effect of the excessive prepositional phrases.

  1. The integration of a set of common value patterns with the internalized need-disposition structure of the contituent personalities is the core phenomenon of the dynamics of social systems.

    The integration
    of a set
    of common value patterns
    with the internalized need-disposition structure
    of the constituent personalities is the core phenomenon
    of the dynamics of social systems.

  2. In the light of the association in the last quarter of the sixteenth century of wit with the means of amplification, which consist mainly of the processes of dialectical investigation, this definition propably has more validity than has generally been accorded it.

    In the light
    of the association
    in the last quarter
    of the sixteenth century
    of wit
    with the means
    of amplification, which consist mainly
    of the processes
    of dialectical investigation, this definition propably has more validity than has generally been accorded it.

Qualities of the Official Style

  1. Built on nouns, often abstractions, often Latinate, often ending in -tion.
  2. Adjectives made from other nouns often modify these nouns. Or, another noun usurps the place of the adjective to make a noun-cluster.
  3. All action is passive and impersonal.
  4. No active verbs, no direct objects, no attribute agency. (Ask "Who's kicking who?")
  5. Nothing called by its ordinary name. Teachers=Learning Facilitators.
  6. All motion is converted into stasis, preserving the status quo and concealing agency.

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